How To Live Your Life: Find a Job


Greetings friends, I’m Rusty Shackleford.
Now, I’ve been a liver of life as long as
I can remember. And If you’re watching this,
you’re probably alive too, but ask yourself:
are you really LIVING? That’s where I come
in, as a life coach. So help me, to help you,
live your life, but like mine!
If you’re like me, you’ve been told to get
a job. But you think to yourself
how the heck do I get a job with no work experience?

The Shackleford way, that’s how.
First off, no one’s going to hire a loser like you with no qualifications
so here’s what you do: put a little meat on that bone. Beef it up if you know what I’m talkin’ about.
Maybe you started a brony club in high school
or you were in the peace corps for two years,
only one of those things I actually did.
throw in a couple professional shots so they know you mean business
don’t be afraid to add sexy shots in there so they know who’s going to be the real one stirring up the company party.
Next, you’ve got to dress for success, let
them know you’ve got a fashion sense that’ll blow their heads off.
We all set down there?
Yup, everything’s ready Mr. Shackleford, sir!
Find a job that sounds right for you and send
in that resume, don’t worry about following up.
Let them come to you. Let’s not forget who’s in charge here.
Hello? Yes, we could schedule a meeting. Let me transfer you to my secretary
hold on one second.
Play it cool. Remember, we’re playing a game of chess.
You may be the king, but let’s not forget who runs the table:
the Queen.
(talking like a British Queen) Yes, hello? Two-thirty? Let’s make it three o’clock.
Very well then, thank you!
Checkmate!
Always arrive at least ten to fifteen minutes
LATE to let them know exactly how important
you are.
Make sure you bring your a-game, but if that’s not workin out, then
bring papa’s cough syrup. Always does the trick for me.
Right back on top.
Be right there.
So Rusty, Tell me about any of your life goals.
Life goals, well I could tell you about that. Tip about these job interviews: a little mumbling goes a long way.
Well back in so and so, I was doing a little yackity shmackity down on the paddywack give a dog a bone, and that’s that.
Travel? Did you say a world traveler? Sounds fascinating.
Let ’em draw their own conclusions about you.
This is the best way.
Well, here’s the thing Rusty. I’m very impressed with you and your resume.
As you should be.
Yup. Bottom line is, you’re hired.
Yes! Knew it.
Also, make sweet sweet love to me.
Oh? I could do that.
What? You’re home early
What the hell are you doing?
It’s a web episode. I’m helping people online.
I’m going to get you some help.
No no no, I’m fine-
Call the reverend. We’ll get you some help.
Now don’t call the reverend, I’m just helping
people online, I don’t see what the big deal
is- Ok Gotta cut this episode short, but stay
tuned for more Rusty Shackleford ways, okay?

11 thoughts on “How To Live Your Life: Find a Job

  1. I followed Rusty's advice, and I've never been happier!

    (kisses guitar with blonde wig)

  2. this guy should be Jack Black's stunt-double

    (i'm sure you've heard it b4, but,
    c'mon man. Get on that horse.
    The trains are out of the stable and I don't see you pumpin' that Jigger to chase it down. feel me?)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *