– Next. (upbeat music) Hello, there. – Is today tomorrow New Zealand? – Yes. – Foot same length Europe? – What? – Inch same length Europe. – Gmail.com. – Oh, god. – What is bitcoin? – Butt hole! (laughs) Gross fat butt hole dick poop. – Is that what kids are into these days? (boy giggling) Are your parents home? – Miss Pippi. – You mean Mississippi? Hey, I’m not a dictionary. – My grandson Nathan. – Song that goes ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ – Girls’ college. – Oh, um. – Sort of right, college girls. Nude. (Google sighs) – Really? – Patrick Cassels. Pat Cassels. Pat Cassels, funny. – Bitcoin market value. – Weed amount legal NYC. – Patrick Cassels, funny
writer, CollegeHumor. – Are you gonna do this all day? – What is prime meridian? – Heg hog cute! – Do you mean hedgehog? – Heg hog cute! – God, do you mean hedge– – Hedgehogs cute! – Adderall, max dose. – Yeah. – Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man? – Okay. – Adderall, max dose,
165-pound man, 20 years old? Adderall overdose signs! – Download Firefox. – Ever heard of Chrome? – How to buy bitcoin? – Titanic drawing. – “Titanic” movie drawing. – Um. – “Titanic” movie drawing scene. Kate Winslet tits. Round two. – Facebook.com, my grandson Nathan. – No. – Dexter based on real? – Free hamster. – Unbuy bitcoin. – Boston bomber. – It’s a real tragedy. – Cute one. – Oh fucking shit! Next! I said next! (upbeat music) – Why am I a length? – Okay. – Cream cheese is cheese? – Wait, do you still wanna know– – Avocado pit huge, why? – Okay, don’t speak in these weird haikus. – How to tell if pregnant? – Oh boy. – How to tell if–
– Tell if pregnant? – Jennifer! – Local mosque Seattle. – NSA, don’t mind me. – How to pronounce dough ga coin. – According to Google Maps, there’s a number–
– Security. – Can you please?
– Not blackmail. – Just. – Oh, ‘scuse me. – Oh no, no, come on in. Today is Jackson Pollock’s
birthday, so we’re, uh, celebrating his particular
style of painting. – Why farts smell? – One of the most important painters of all time and you wanna know why farts smell, so there you go. – Flight to Washington. – Bank transfer all money to Dogecoin how? – Okay, Glass.
(Google snickers) Search avoid being bullied
for wearing Google Glass. (Google laughing) – Flight to Washington state. – I knew you made that mistake. – F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F. – I think your F key is stuck!
F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F. – Why longitude shaped
like a orange slice? – [Man In T-Shirt] You’re
so wrong, dumb ass! – We’ll see. Groundhogs Day or Groundhog Day? – Groundhog Day. – Oh! Haircut place, bowl cut. – Terror pictures. – Oh, uh. – Oh, sorry, terrier pictures. – Oh. (laughs) Okay. (woman squeals) (woman laughs)
Hey man, let me do my job, all right? – Fuck you! – Can sue for screen door injured? – Where to buy pet Russian dolphin? – Why do my farts smell? – Tent. – Doing a little camping, huh? – Tentacle hentai. – Oh, come on! (uplifting music) – Open for business, everyone! Come on in, it’s awesome in here. Soon, they’ll come soon. (chuckles) – Next! Next, come on! (upbeat music) – What up, Google? – [Google] Oh, god. – Eclectic outlets look surprised, why? – Because– – Millipedes 10 times
faster than centipedes? Baby powder made out of babies? – You know that it’s not. Well, hello there young man. – Big booty Puerto Rican goddess. (Google inhales) – Taxes have to pay why? – What is YOLO? – Is that your kid’s phone? – Is YOLO a drug? – Siri, how big is the Serengeti? – Yeah, I, I should just–
– No problem. Show me pictures of spaghetti. – No, that’s not what she asked for. Your search for (speaking gibberish) returned no results. (cat meows) – Vaccines cause autism. – Well, I have one million results that say they don’t and one
result that says they do. – I knew it. – Just because I have it
doesn’t mean it’s true! – 300 pound beautiful Indian princess. – What’s a surf boar? – Do you mean surfboard? – No, surf boar. – Oh. – Do dead people pay taxes? – How do I get to the deep web? – Follow me.
(lights crackling) – Google? – You’re here. – Google.com. – That is me. – Google.com website. – Heh? – Finally. – How make people think you die? – Sonic the Hedgehog pics. – The old Sega video game? – Safe search off. – Oh, what have you done? – How big is the Serengeti?
– More pictures of spaghetti.
– How big is the Serengeti? – How big is the Serengeti?
– More pictures of spaghetti.
– That is not what she asked for!
– How big is the Serengeti? – That is not what she asked for!
– How big is the Serengeti! – Why do Asian– – Have small noses, wear face mask, have small eyes, have small penises– – Pandas have trouble mating in captivity? Jesus. – It’s not me, it’s them. – Where to buy lifelike bearded mannequin? – Sorry, I don’t see spaghetti in your contacts.
(Google yelling gibberish) – Biggest, sexiest woman in all of Iraq. – Difference between human
body and a mannequin. – Oh, my god. Clear history. (flame hissing) – All right, Sugar Ray,
ironically cool yet? – I’m sorry. (chuckles) – Bummer. Big booty Puerto Rican goddess. – Hi. (upbeat music) Just gotta send an email, then I’ll be right with you, okay? Oh, you again. – Is hula hoop a sport? – Uh, I don’t think– – Can owls walk? – Can owls walk? – Is Dilbert Jewish? – Recipe using only crackers. – Facebook. – (sighs) Lazy. – Direction to downtown. – Well, it’s gonna be 35
minutes unless you use ways. – Get off the highway, now, now, now! – Selena Gomez–
– Gomez feet. – Taylor Swift–
– Swift feet. – Katy Perry–
– Perry feet. – What is wrong with people? – What happens if plant sesame seed? – Oriental rug politically correct? – How to become astronaut? – Bad news. – Mm, how to work for NASA. – Sorry. – Hmm, planetarium jobs? – Nope. – Planetarium volunteers? – Mm-mm. – (sighs) Help wanted laser tag. – Now we’re talking. – Dad from “The Nanny” dead? – Now cut across four lanes of traffic! – Mayonnaise as butter substitute. (Google gags) – Facebook. – You know, you could just. (sighs) – Google Wave, what happened? – We killed it. – Google Glass, what happened? – We killed it. – Google car– – Oh, oh, oh, oh no,
that, that, that, that, this is gonna be amazing actually. – Okay to drink expired milk? – No!
– What happens if drank expired milk? – Oh, my god, why did you
ask me in the first place? – Paul Walker car crash. – Really sad. – Pics. – Red light cameras everywhere. – You’re freaking him out. – Racist if only like California rolls? – Age of consent, California. – Facebook. – It is right there! You could just! Stupid. (grunts) That is it for the day. Mm. – Google’s down!
– Down! (sirens blaring) – Dad from “The Nanny.” – Dead? – Seriously? (upbeat music) – Oh, god. Hey, let’s go! (Google whistles) – Ha, let’s do this! – Oh, not again. – Can you keep a duck? What are the newest shapes? – What are you gonna do
with this information? – Is Superman circumcised? – Are dentists more afraid of you? – No, in fact this one killed a lion. – Hot hands and feet. – Is this salt or sugar? – Is what salt or sugar? – Sistine Chapel, how old Michelangelo? – 33. – Moon landing, how old Neil Armstrong? – 38. – Became President, how old Barack Obama? – 47. – Still got three years! – Upload these photos of my nephew. – You know, you might
consider uploading these to Google+, it’s a lot
like Facebook meets Google. It’s really starting to take off. – Oh, uh, great, mm-hmm, I’ll, I’ll check it out. – Can kangaroo be milked. – Is it your or you’re? – In what context? Not only is it awesome, but it’s also free for you and for all your friends. – I just wanna watch Minecraft videos. – Who else is British? – Sensitive tongue? – Climate change is not real. (box thuds) – Climate change is real. – Climate change is not real. – Fine. – Thank you! – Get out of here. – Anna Kendrick boyfriend? – You really think you have a chance? – Sweating behind the ears. – If you’re worried, go see a doctor. – Is left shark still funny? – Is the internet working? – I want you to think
about this for a second. – Do a barrel roll. – No, don’t type that, don’t! (man in striped shirt laughs)
No, why would you type that? Grab onto something! (yells) (Google gasping) (logo beeps) – Hot hands and feet. – Cancer.
(calm music) (logo beeps)